Every boundary would become punishment.
Every refusal would become justification.
Every betrayal somehow my fault.
I took my pillow.
Went into the nursery.
And slept on the floor between my daughters’ cribs.
The next morning, Dana called.
“I might have childcare.”
I sat up.
“What?”
“My neighbor is a registered childminder. She may have room for both girls.”
Hope terrified me almost as much as despair.
“I’ll call her.”
“You call your boss.”
So I did.My manager offered three early shifts a week or longer evening shifts.
“Come see me Thursday.”
For the first time, I could see the faint outline of a plan.
Dana had an appointment that Thursday.
Ryan would be home.
So I asked him to watch the girls.
“Sure.”
He barely looked up from his phone.
“No problem.”
He had failed me as a husband.
But maybe I could depend on him as their father for two hours.
